foxalpha:

falstafff:

i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.

as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck

lion:

when someone reading in class and your name is in the story

image

jbildungsroman:

Ugh, worst song ever. 

if we’re being honest, this was the moment that Emma Stone arrived.

olechandserif:

Barry, can you but in a floating burger with eyes, smiling, gently floating right to left across the screen. 

image

Thank you Barry

"One of the most interesting things about Elizabeth Turner was her Kiss of Death. Throughout the trilogy, all of the men she locked lips with has died - including Sao Feng in At World’s End, and (if you want to be petty about it) her father, Weatherby Swann. Usually they would die moments after kissing her for the first time. This excludes Will Turner who has kissed her several times before and beat the odds every time. However, even he succumbed to her kiss and died as well minutes after the two were hastily married by Barbossa.

This is most likely a just coincidence and not something that was intentional, but years later it’s still fun to point out to friends and watch a dawn of realization hit their face when they realize that Pirate Queen Elizabeth may have also been the Grim Reaper.”

sub-maureen:

tODAY AT WORK, AT MCDONALD’S THESE PEOPLE WITH MASKS CAME IN AND I ALMOST PISSED MY PANTS AND THEY SHOUTED “EVERYONE STAY CALM, JUST CAN YOU DO US A FAVOR” AND I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT, HOLY SHIT, THIS IS IT, OMG THEY’RE GONNA PULL OUT A GUN, GOD HELP US, AND EVERYONE LOOKED SO PALE AND WE ALL LOOKED AT EACH OTHER LIKE HOLY SHIT AND THEN THE ONE GUY SAID “I NEED YOU TO DO THE YMCA WITH US FOR OUR BLOG”

SHIT

YOU

NOT.

mooncleric:

milesmorale:

Infamous 3rd year “My father will hear about this” Draco refusing to participate in Lupin’s class on boggarts because the whole thing is ridiculous but when it’s his turn he walks up to the wardrobe and Lucius Malfoy steps out

THIS UPSETS ME

captain america: the winter soldier gag reel

greglestrade:

My favourite thing about Orlando Bloom punching Justin bieber are the write ups about it in newspapers, because nearly ever single one is like ‘hunky Orlando Bloom punches brat Justin Bieber’. Everyone hates him so much.

He’s just got such a gregarious nature and so full of energy. I don’t know where he gets it! I don’t know how he sustains it. But when he’s on set everyone’s smiling and when he’s not there after a few days, you say “Where’s Mackie?” He just breathes life into his environment. And he does like to say “Cut the check!” - Chris Evans